I interviewed a parent from my home town who is openly bisexual, and currently living with a same-sex partner. Although her child is now graduated and in college, I asked about what is was like going through the school system.
Has your child received any different treatment at school because of your sexuality?
"No, not that I can recall. I don't think anyone ever took it out on her. If her teachers even knew, it didn't affect how they treated her. There were a few who maybe talked to me differently, but not her."
[Did] other parents permit their children to socialize with your child in events or activities outside of school?
"We had a different situation, as you know.** So, yeah, a lot of parents were a little uncomfortable with letting their kids come over. But we had so many [music department] events, most parents would let their children come to those. Sometimes not one on one, though. That did freak some of them out."
**Until recently, she had lived at a large communal house with a variety of people living there. The house functioned as a contained arts community, and some of the partners in the house were fluid.
[Did] teachers treat you or your child differently?
"Not [my child]. But me, yeah, every once in a while I would get one who was uncomfortable with me. Never rude, just uncomfortable. Avoiding eye contact, quick meetings, stuff like that. Although [my child] was always great in school, so that probably helped make people comfortable. And it stopped when she got to high school, since the other teachers knew me already.** If they were going to treat me differently then, it was because I annoyed them at work."
**She worked part time at the high school that her child attended as a choir director.
What? No spreadsheet?????
ReplyDeleteThe fact that parents would not let their children come over and that they treated the parent differently hits very close to home for me. My sister had a really good friend in junior high and high school, and her brother was in my grade. When I was in fourth grade their mom came out and started living with her partner. I remember my parents telling my sister that "Jane" was more than welcome to come over to our house, but she was not allowed to go over to "Jane's" house. I guess "Jane wasn't infected, but if my sister went over to her house and was around her mother she might catch the disease.
I distinctly remember thinking to myself why it was such a big deal. As far as I was concerned, "Jane" and her brother were the same people they had always been. Looking back, besides being really embarrassed my parents were (and still likely are) homophobic, I think this helped shape my feelings toward sexuality. I have a cousin who is gay and sadly I never see him because he is uncomfortable at family functions. I don't blame him, either.
Anyway - back to your post - I think the teachers and parents should have been asking this parent what she had done with her child while raising her because obviously it worked! One question I do have, though. Do you think that some of the parents might have been uncomfortable with her living arrangements? Not that it would be warranted...but I just wondered about that. People are usually scared of things they are not familiar with, and that is definitely a unique situation. I would not say no to my child visiting their friend, but I would want to meet the adults that lived in the house - but I do that with any of my kids' friends parents.
Denise and I are on the same page about checking out all the families that my kids hang out with. Even then you sometimes get it wrong. The living arrangements would have made me uncomfortable because I have never encountered anything like this situation. That being said, when Evan was in kindergarten there was a lesbian family that moved into our district and their girls' were in both Eric and Evan's classes. Some of the other families here just looked the other way and didn't ask questions when Summer and Julie came to a school function together. Summer and I got to be friends and it was a really great experience for me. Their relationship was really comparable to mine and my other friends. The only substantial difference was their gender.
ReplyDeleteI think the girls felt a little uncomfortable because they recognized that their family was different from others. From what I saw, the girls were never openly confronted, nevertheless, the family moved away after less than a year. I was sad to see them go.
Thanks for doing this interview Katie. It is interesting to hear about her experience. I think discomfort is one thing, because people are human and have different life experiences. Acting in ways that are biased or prejudiced or unjust is a different thing. It would be great if everyone was comfortable with homosexual family structures, but that will take some time in our society. In the meantime, important for each of us to understand what we are comfortable with and ensure that parents and students don't feel that they are treated unfairly.
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